Our Lives Together
by nmb97
Summary: "You've lived your life, and I've lived mine. Now it's time we start living them together." A series of Mary/Matthew one-shots featuring various moments throughout their relationship. (Matthew lives)
1. Safe and Sound

**Safe and Sound**

Matthew has a nightmare.

* * *

 _May 1920_

He was back in France, in the trenches. They were in position, ready to climb up to face the enemy. He looked to the man next to him-it was William.

This isn't real.

He was nearly trampled as the order was called for them to charge. Matthew climbed up out of the trench to find the vast expanse of a field. Through the mass of men, he saw a woman dressed in white. She had fair skin and dark hair, her eyes filled with fear. He recognized her instantly.

Mary. What was she doing here?

Right, this isn't real.

She was some distance away from him, on the other side of the field. He called her name as he ran towards her. He had to get her out of here. He had to keep her safe.

No matter how far he ran, Matthew couldn't reach her. She kept getting farther away with every step he took. He heard Mary calling his name over the gunfire. Then William, standing next to him, yelled something he couldn't make out. A loud explosion followed, then darkness...

"Matthew!"

She called his name again, closer this time. Matthew opened his eyes. He was back at Downton, in his bed, covered in sweat. Another nightmare. He thought they were gone. He hadn't had one since…

Oh, God. Mary. She didn't know about the nightmares. She hadn't ever seen him like this.

Matthew quickly looked to the other side of the bed. Mary was there, sitting right next to him. She was safe.

It wasn't real.

"What was that?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"A nightmare," he answered. "I was back in France. I couldn't get to you. I-"

Matthew paused, taking a breath. "They didn't used to be this bad. They even went away for awhile. But I've been having the same one for some time now-since our engagement, really. You're always in it. You're standing in no man's land, in the middle of all the fighting. I can never get to you. I can never keep you safe. I always lose you, and I can't bear even dreaming of that."

Matthew turned to look at Mary. She quickly wiped her eyes, stains trailing down her cheeks still left as evidence of her tears. "Oh Matthew, why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I always had to deal with them on my own," he said. "And when we married, I hadn't had one in awhile and I thought they were gone. I didn't want to worry you with something that might not happen."

"But if you'd told me, I could have helped you. I could have done something," Mary said, looking away from him. He could sense her guilt.

"Darling, you did help me," he said, pulling her into his arms. "Waking up to find you next to me, safe and sound, is the most comforting thing after a nightmare."

* * *

 **A/N:** Here's the first addition to my collection of M/M moments! If you guys have any ideas for future chapters, please share! Thanks for reading :)

-NMB


	2. Our Song

**Our Song**

Matthew catches Mary singing baby George to sleep.

* * *

 _June 1922_

Matthew hated these kinds of days. He was swamped with work, which had forced him to stay at the office late every night this week. That meant he wouldn't get to see George before he was put to bed. Matthew always made it a priority to spend time with his son in the evenings. Although Matthew thought highly of his father, he had too many memories of not seeing him for days on end due to his work. Matthew vowed not to let that happen to his own children.

Matthew hurried home. As he approached the Abbey, Matthew was relieved to see a light in the nursery window. He quickly entered the house, practically running up the stairs. When he reached the nursery, he stopped outside the door.

Mary was singing softly. It was a rare occurrence to hear her doing this. Matthew listened as she carried the familiar tune, soaking in the sweet sound of her voice.

 _If you were the only girl in the world_

 _And I were the only boy_

 _Nothing else would matter in the world today_

 _We could go on loving in the same old way_

 _A Garden of Eden just made for two_

 _With nothing to mar our joy_

Matthew entered the room to find Mary holding George, rocking his small form back and forth. He joined in as she continued the song.

 _I would say such wonderful things to you_

 _There would be such wonderful things to do_

 _If you were the only girl in the world_

 _And I were the only boy_

Mary turned around to face him. "You've caught me," she said in a low voice. "This is the only way I can get him back to sleep."

"Well don't alter your methods just because I've found you out. You know how I love to hear you sing," he told her, smiling. "And I especially like that song."

"It is _our_ song, so it doesn't surprise me that our son fancies it as well." Mary answered with a sly grin.

Matthew looked down at George, fast asleep in his mother's arms. "It definitely did the trick," he said, laughing. Mary gently put the baby back into the crib and turned out the light as they left the room.

Mary and Matthew peered back into the nursery through the slightly-open door, making sure George was settled. "Let's just hope it lasts," Mary whispered.

* * *

 **A/N:** I always wished Mary would have sung more in the show (Michelle Dockery has a wonderful voice!). The concert in S2 is one of my favorite scenes, so that inspired my song choice. When I think of Mary and Matthew my mind always goes back to that song Mary sings, so I've decided to make it "their" song (I know, it's cheesy).

Also, thank you to those who posted reviews for the first chapter! Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Keep sending in any ideas or requests for future chapters, and be sure to follow for updates! Thanks for reading :)

-NMB

*Song: If You Were The Only Girl (In The World); originally written by Nat D. Ayer with lyrics by Clifford Grey for the musical _The Bing Boys Are Here,_ which premiered in London in 1916.


	3. Torn

**Torn**

Matthew reflects on his feelings for Mary and Lavinia.

* * *

 _April 1919_

Matthew was torn between two women, both of whom he loved and cared for. It's a nearly impossible situation for a man to make sense of, so what was he supposed to do about it?

Mary was still in love with him. Before the war, their relationship had been left in ruins. Both of their hearts had been broken. But they had mended things since then, and they knew where they stood-as friends, as family. Mary had refused to leave Matthew's side after his injury, drawing them closer than they had been in years. Feelings from the past began to resurface.

When Lavinia selflessly came back to Matthew, his feelings were once again uncertain. He was forced to repress all of what he felt for Mary, but Matthew was also reminded of why he loved Lavinia in the first place. She was his angel, sent by God himself to save him.

Then Matthew started to feel a tingling in his legs, and was able to stand and walk again. He started to think of the future, and the possibility of living a normal life. He hadn't had such hope since before the war. The more he thought about it, Matthew could imagine being relatively happy with Lavina. But not as happy as he would have been with Mary.

"Marriage is a long business. There's no getting out of it for our kind of people. Now you may live forty, fifty years with one of these women. Just make sure you have selected the right one," Cousin Violet had told him.

Was he making the right choice by marrying Lavinia?

Of course he was. Matthew always tried to be a man of honor. And in this case, marrying Lavinia was the honorable thing to do. He had been pledged to her for over two years, and it was his duty as her fiancee to remain faithful to her. Matthew had to marry her. He couldn't just throw her over, no matter how much he may want to. She came back to him thinking she would spend the rest of her days caring for him. And Lavinia would gladly have done it, because that's how much she loved him. Matthew felt like he didn't deserve her.

But at the same time, he wanted Mary desperately. He hadn't wanted anything more in the seven years he had been at Downton than to be with her. During the war, all hope of them ending up together was lost. Now it felt as though things had changed. That spark, that bond between them was stronger than it was before.

But then the harsh reality of Mary's own engagement hit him. Sir Richard Carlisle. Matthew utterly despised that man, as well as the idea of Mary marrying him. Matthew couldn't understand why she stayed with Carlisle, as he often saw Mary's unhappiness while in his company. She sometimes even looked afraid of him. Fear was not an emotion Matthew knew Lady Mary Crawley to express often. He's got something on her, something she doesn't want to get out in the papers. That's the only explanation Matthew found to be plausible.

Matthew wished she would just brave whatever storm Carlisle would create if she ended their engagement. Mary was strong enough, and she wouldn't have to face it alone. He would stand by her, no matter what. Mary's happiness, regardless of whether she was with him or not, was Matthew's only concern.

Finally, he knew what to do.

Mary deserved to know how he felt before he married Lavinia, so he should tell her.

* * *

 **A/N:** I apologize for the wait. I had an extremely busy week, but things are starting to slow down so I'll be able to write more!

This story was inspired by a suggestion from AmeriGirlTN (thank you!). I know Mr. Fellowes wanted to make Matthew this honorable man who could do no wrong, and I feel like he would have faced some internal conflict trying to decide the right thing to do in certain situations. I thought that period right after the war (S2 E6-7) would have been a time where Matthew would have experienced it.

Thanks to all who read/review/follow this story, it means so much to me! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

-NMB


	4. A Song and a Dance

**A Song and a Dance**

Matthew and Mary sneak off during Sybil's ball.

* * *

 _July 1914_

Mary sat down in a chair placed along the outskirts of the ballroom as another lively dance ended. She had to admit, this season had been quite enjoyable so far. This night had been especially fun. It was Sybil's ball. Although the room was filled with young and eligible men, Mary only had eyes for one.

Matthew.

The night was still young, and they had already shared several dances together. Her mother would scold her for it tomorrow, but she didn't mind. To her surprise, Matthew moved quite well on the dance floor. He nearly swept her off her feet during their first dance of the night. During their second, Matthew pulled Mary a bit closer than what would have been deemed proper. By the third, it felt as if they were the only couple in the room.

Mary looked through the moving mass of people in the center of the room, searching for Matthew. She found him paired with Edith, who seemed thrilled by the attention. Matthew was politely conversing with her, but did not seem too excited about his partner. Mary rolled her eyes. Although she did feel bad for Edith at times like these, Mary knew her sister was in for a disappointment when she learned of Matthew's true feelings for her.

As the music ended, Mary watched Matthew come her way. She smiled as he took the seat next to her. "You must be exhausted," Mary said, "I haven't seen you sit a dance out yet."

"I quite enjoy dancing, but I'm sure I'll pay for it tomorrow," Matthew answered. "I know we've already shared too many dances together tonight, but is there any way I could convince you to have another with me?"

"I would love that, but I'm afraid I'm in deep trouble with Mama already. Another dance with you would push her over the edge," Mary replied.

Matthew stared down at his feet for a moment. But then he looked over to Mary, a sly grin on his face. "I have a better idea."

Mary was stunned by Matthew's spontenaity. "What did you have in mind?"

Matthew stood and offered his hand to Mary. "Come with me and you'll find out," he said. Mary accepted and preceded to follow Matthew out of the ballroom, hand in hand. They weaved through the crowds quickly, escaping out into the warm summer night. They stood on the sidewalk in front of Grantham House, surrounded by the noise and light of the city.

The music from inside could still be heard from where they were. Another song was just beginning. "Lady Mary, may I have this dance?" Matthew said in a mocking tone while bowing rather eccentrically.

This made Mary laugh. "Why of course you may, Mr. Crawley," she answered with a curtsy.

They came together as the sound of the waltz filtered to the outside. "Now no one will see us dancing together again" Matthew whispered into Mary's ear. She smiled slightly, coming closer to him.

"How clever of you," Mary said softly. She knew Matthew took advantage of any chance to be alone with her.

"This probably isn't the right time, but have you given any more thought to my proposal?" Matthew asked.

She knew this question was coming, after putting Matthew off for nearly two months now. "I have," Mary answered. "But I want to be absolutely sure, so I promise to give my answer the day I get back to Downton." She went along with Aunt Rosamund's advice to wait until her return, but Mary wasn't sure she needed that time to decide.

"The anticipation will be unbearable," said Matthew.

"I can assure you, it will be worth the wait," she replied, meeting his gaze. Looking in to Matthew's eyes, Mary realized she couldn't hold her feelings back any longer. Before she even knew what she was doing, her lips were upon his. They kissed passionately for a few moments. The desire Mary felt for Matthew burned stronger than it ever had before. They eventually broke apart, smiling and breathless.

In that moment, Mary was sure.

* * *

 **A/N:** Wow, it's been awhile. But the next story has finally been published, and I hope it was worth the wait! After rewatching Season 1, I wondered what happened between Mary and Matthew at Sybil's ball. Plus, I had some requests for some sneaking around, so I combined the two ideas.

Writing this was rather a challenge, and I'm not sure how good it is, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! I'll try and update more often. Any ideas or requests are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading :)

-NMB


	5. Out of the Blue

**Out of the Blue**

The missing scene of Matthew's first proposal to Mary.

* * *

 _May 1914_

"Oh Matthew, what am I always telling you? You must pay no attention to the things I say."

Mary silently watched as Matthew began to move closer to her. She found herself unconsciously doing the same, closing what little distance remained between them. Then all of a sudden, their lips met.

A year and a half ago, Mary would have cringed at the thought of kissing Matthew Crawley. Then, he was the middle-class lawyer who came to claim her birthright, the man who she was to be pushed at and forced to marry. He became the son her father never had. She was jealous of him then.

But now, she gladly kissed him back. She had come to see Matthew very differently since his arrival at Downton. He fought for her, supported her, cared about her in a way no one really had before.

He broke away sooner than she would have liked. They sat in silence, faces still close to each other. Mary took a moment to process what had just happened, realizing something she hadn't been able to come to terms with yet.

She was in love with Matthew Crawley.

"Matthew-" Mary started to say, before he cut her off.

"Marry me."

Did Matthew just propose to her?

Mary was stunned by the statement. She didn't know how to react-all she could do was stare back at him, speechless.

Matthew quickly tried to explain himself to her. "I know this seems out of the blue-believe me, I didn't plan to propose like this. But after tonight, I have no doubt. I love you, Mary, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Mary wanted to accept him, but she was hesitant. The memory of Kemal Pamuk's death still haunted her. Would she be able to keep that dark secret from her husband-from Matthew?

No, she decided. They weren't like that together. They were open and honest with each other. Matthew was one of the few people she actually trusted, and Mary didn't want to compromise that.

She would have to tell him, eventually.

Mary finally spoke. "I'm afraid I'll need some time to think about it."

That's all she could bring herself to tell him.

"Of course," he said softly, dropping his gaze to his feet. "Take all the time you need. I better be getting home, it's rather late and I don't want Mother to worry." He stood and turned to leave the dining room. He looked back at her when he reached the doorway. "Goodnight, Mary," he said with a faint smile.

Mary stood alone in the dining room. How she wished she could have been free of Pamuk, and just accepted Matthew right then and there! Mary hated seeing him so dejected, most likely due to her vague answer. She figured he at least deserved to know how she felt about him.

Mary quickly ran through the house and out the front door. "Matthew, wait!" she called as she continued towards him. Matthew stopped and turned to face her with a look of surprise. As soon as she reached him, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly.

"I love you, too," Mary said when they came apart.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've been attempting to write this missing moment ever since I started these fics, and I think I finally got it how I want it! This is just my interpretation of it, but I hope you enjoy it! Thank you all so much for your kind reviews on the previous chapters, I greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks for reading :)

-NMB


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